That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
