we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
zippers are such a cool invention
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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