how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
