i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
