Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
3pm strippers are depressing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
