Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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