I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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