You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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