some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize