thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
