He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
