Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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