life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
