So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize