franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
