I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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