the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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