Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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