We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
