Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
