please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
