There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
