remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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