i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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