Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
