Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
