I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
