Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
