just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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