Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
