Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think my fart just growled at me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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