Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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