I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Damn victory sex feels great
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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