This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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