How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
