So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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