Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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