u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I faked an abortion last night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
