All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
