Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
