Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
