I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
