Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Randomize
