I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize