I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
