Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
