I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
