He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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