its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
