I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
