Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
