Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
