i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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