we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
