we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
