Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
