You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
