Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
