Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
