Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
