i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
