I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
