Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
