Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
