I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
