Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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