I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
