I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
